Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I am a mutant

My optometrist's office has been calling me incessantly to set up my annual check up. I didn't want to go back because he's old and grumpy. Good thing I didn't - I made an appointment at Park Slope Eye instead and went yesterday and the young doc B. told me I have chapped eyeballs. TIGHT! Apparently I have this condition where my eyelids don't completely close and it causes my eyes to become very dry and therefore chapped. My previous OD told me this and his only advice was to be conscious of closing my eyes harder when I blinked.

In OD speak, this is what I have:
nocturnal lagophthalmus
superficial punctate keratitis
chronic allergic conjunctivitis
tear film insufficiency

This time, I was given a prescription for eyedrops and told to tape my eyelids shut when I sleep. TAPE MY EYELIDS SHUT WHEN I SLEEP. It was either that or wear buggy goggles that are padded on the inside to keep my eyes shut. While neither option seemed very appealing I chose to use the tape. It was weird not being able to open my eyes in the middle of the night but it seems to be working. This morning my eyes didn't feel all bleary and dry and I didn't rub them as much. So I GUESS I'll continue to do it. The tape isn't so cumbersome either. It's not very sexy for nighttime activities though, so I might pick this up and pretend I'm Holly Golightly:

Hey hey, what can I do...(that's a little Led Zep for ya'll in the morning)

The other option, as I learned from another OD at trivia night at Keats last night, is to surgically implant weights into my eyelids to keep them down. NO THANKS.

In 7th grade Mr. Zucca warned us of bulging eyeballitis (cheating). I wish he'd warned us of this!


&%; = lainey said...

maybe you can invent chapstick for your eyeballs and then make a bazillion euros

ana dane said...

chapped eyeballs sounds like something you get from too much porn.